I needed a place to dump all these... I tried calling all of my close friends but none picked up... To be fair not all of them just a couple of friends that I feel comfortable having these kind of heart to heart talk with, I really feel overwhelmed, and anxious for who knows what reason. I feel tired, burnout, unappreciated, but mostly I just feel empty. So empty that though I would like to speak to someone, I feel that I wouldn’t know what to tell them. They will think that I’m weird, over dramatic and worst, maybe a looney :(. I tried praying but I feel that I really need someone to talk to

I dreamt about you last night, why did I go and did that? I was okay already, really I am...
Now I can’t help but keep on wondering do you ever miss me? 😂 I’m being pathetic again..
Please jusy go away, make me forget everything, I don’t want to be sad anymore

🌙 shift

Hey... It’s me again after I think a month? So I started my new job last April and now it’s June! Time really flies! I’m still adjusting and also learning so many new things. There’s so many things to learn but so little time😖. I came from a cardiac background you see, and here in this new hosp, I deal more with neuro cases. So yeah a lot of readings to do😬. So far it has been fun? I guess. Hehe. One thing I’m really happy about is that I get to work with my bear friend panda😂, yupp still excited eventhough it has been more than a month. I’m really glad I have her and another dependable  friend Grizzly, cause I can always ask them if I’m doubtful or clueless about cca stuff🤓. Thank you guys!
So currently I’m on my night duty, it’s 3am and things just settled down, we sent an old lady with nstemi for emergency pci at 12am after intubation and received her back at 2.10am just now. In the midst of it, we still managed to give blood, fluid challenge, entertain a 19yr old boy for vp shunt cm, and etc. We don’t always get to sit around and do nothing as portrayed on the social media🤦🏻‍♀️, we don’t! So cut us some slacks but of course if you see some who are really just lazing around and not doing their work please by all means report them, I know it’s very harsh but you’re doing a really big favor for those who are seriously doing their work. I’m gonna stop here😁.
Have a great and peaceful night everyone🙋🏻‍♀️

Hi :), I'm back after so long, I know my blog's name is ilovetowritestuff.com and I haven't lived up to that name, hehe sorry, I was really busy, busy with one of the biggest transition in my life. I quit my job you see.
Maybe,, quitting is not a good word, I resigned, that's better. So I resigned my five years job and believe me it wasn't easy, okay maybe half-half, it was easy cause I was really happy to be able to go back to my hometown after so long, but at the same time, it was really difficult because of the friends that I would be leaving behind and also the routine that I have become so familiar with. I struggled inwardly, outside I showed I have no feelings or problem whatsoever. But the letter was submitted and what done is done. So I packed my bags and shipped so many boxes, emptied out our unit and got ready to move out.
Fast forward today, I've been at home for almost 6 months now. I think I'm really blessed to have parents who are so understanding and patient when dealing with me. They did not rushed me to get a job instead asked me to stay home and rest. I did not have to pay rents or wake up super early to get ready for work. My meal was ready, my life was so easy. But I knew I needed to get back on my two feet I can't be depending on my parents forever.
I took a really long break, rested enough and now it's time to start working again. The tortuous job seeking journey I'll share another day.

Throughout my life I've always been told,
To be true, to be strong, and to be bold,
But soon I learned as my journey unfold,
That life is no fairy tale, full of roses as foretold,

I used to get bullied you see, just like a fool,
Not only at home but also at school,
I tried to be strong, I tried to be cool,
But at night I cried a lot , it could've filled the pool,

What do I truly want, I'm also unclear,
I can't sit still, I can't think straight, it lead to my despair,
They keep piling up, the things that I fear,
That sometimes I wish I was long gone, no longer here.

I put a full stop today, 
to all the wrong and hurtful ways,
though what I really wanted was just one more day, 
I will miss you something I can no longer say,
More than anything I wish you would just stay,
It was all lies when I say I'm okay,
Now my world slowly turns to gray,

But I'll be okay tomorrow I know,
for God has my back,
He will carry me through this sorrow.

too attached

I'm always unable to convey what my truest feelings are... I really envy them, those who can freely and easily say what they want to say. I'm not really sure whats wrong with me, but I guess I'm afraid, afraid that they might walk away, that even by putting so much into someone doesn't guarantee that they're staying, cause well you walked away as well, didn't you, so I have this circle, a circle around me that prevents anyone from coming near me, it's something that I had subconsciously created in order to protect myself. Close proximity aren't allowed in this circle, cause once I get too attached I get too attached.